Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Massive Wassive Spider...

The massive wassive spider
Waited til dark to come about.
Crawled up my arm,
And scared the shit right out!

Made me run out the room
For he was an unwanted guest.

So the massive wassive spider
Took a ride on the porcelain express.

There was a rather large spider (if you couldn't tell by my wonderfully written poem) in Ryan's room last night. I put Ryan to bed at his normal time and he woke up around 10:30pm. So I went in to see if he just needed his paci. I grabbed the pacifier which was covered in drool. I walked, in the dark, over to my boppy pillow and grabbed the burp cloth off of it. I walked back to the crib while I wiped off the paci and felt like I had something on my left arm. Figuring it was a hair I brushed it off with my right hand. Then I felt something on my right arm. At that point I knew it wasn't just a hair and I squealed and ran out of the room like a big ass bird. (All the while poor Ryan is crying). I flipped on his light and saw this massive black spider (not as big as the one from our basement, but big enough). It started charging me (yes, running right for me!) and the only thing I had was my bare feet (yeah, right!) and Ryan's hamper. I called to Ben to bring a shoe and stat! And meanwhile I fended the beast off with Ryan's hamper. I smashed the hamper on him and lifted it back up. El Diablo (the spider) survived the hamper. He continued to charge for me. I started picking the hamper up and smashing it like a crazy person. I felt like a performer from the traveling show, STOMP.
Ben shows up with two squares of toilet paper...my knight in shining armor (instead of riding in on a trusty steed (a shoe) he rode in on butterfly (two squares of toilet paper)).
Anyways, i lifted the the hamper and Ben hesitates after seeing the shear size of this monster but then goes in for the squishing. He misses by like a foot. Then a little game of whack the mole ensues before he finally gets the bugger. Down the toilet it goes.
I felt like I had spiders crawling on me all night. Creeped us both out, but nevertheless we survived the night.


marty said...

Soooooo funny!
And, for the record, I wouldn't have slept all night. I hate those damned things.
Bears and spiders of unusual size. Virginia is for lovers, my ass. It's for sinister beasts. And humidity.
Glad you survived to tell the tale. Thanks for sharing--it was a hoot!

Larry said...

Thanks for sharing and for the well written account. My guess is that Ben will be better armed to respond next time you call.

Your account made me think of the poem that starts "There was an old woman who swallowed a fly . . . ". I forget what the spider escalates to, but you might need one of those. Good luck.